As the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:13, ‘And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.’ Love is a mysterious and complex force that has captivated human hearts for centuries. It is a feeling that can bring immense joy and happiness, but also, pain and heartache. Yet, despite its unpredictability, love remains a fundamental aspect of the human experience.
At its core, love is a choice – a choice to put someone else’s needs before our own, to sacrifice our own desires for the benefit of another. As Jesus taught in John 15:13, ‘Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’ This is the pillar of love that holds relationships together, and it is a pillar built on the foundation of Sacrifice and Trust.
SACRIFICE
Sacrifice is often seen as a negative concept, something that implies loss or deprivation. But in the context of love, sacrifice is a powerful and transformative act. When we sacrifice for someone we love, we are not just giving up something we want; we are also gaining something far more valuable – a deeper connection with our partner, a sense of purpose and meaning, and a feeling of being truly alive.
I remember a story my grandmother used to tell me about her marriage. She and my grandfather were deeply in love, but they faced many challenges during their early years together. My grandfather was struggling to find work, and my grandmother had to take on multiple jobs to support them. Despite the difficulties, they remained committed to each other, and my grandmother would often sacrifice her own needs and desires to support my grandfather’s dreams.
One day, my grandfather was offered a job in another city, but it meant that my grandmother would have to give up her career aspirations. Without hesitation, she agreed to move with him, sacrificing her desires for the benefit of their relationship. It was a difficult decision, but it ultimately brought them closer together and strengthened their bond.
TRUST
Trust is the other half of the equation. Trust is what allows us to surrender ourselves to another person, to put our faith in them, and to believe that they will be there for us. As Proverbs 3:5-6 says, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’ Trust is what allows us to be vulnerable, to open ourselves up to the possibility of hurt, but also to the possibility of deep connection.
But trust is not just a feeling; it is also a skill that can be developed over time. By practising trust-building behaviours, such as vulnerability, active listening, and empathy, we can strengthen our relationships and build a deeper sense of connection with our partners.
Research has shown that trust is a critical component of healthy relationships. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who reported higher levels of trust also reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction and commitment.
So, how can we build trust in our relationships? Here are a few strategies:
• Practice vulnerability: Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your partner, and be willing to listen to theirs.
• Active listening: Pay attention to what your partner is saying, both verbally and non-verbally.
• Empathy: Try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings.
• Follow through on commitments: Show your partner that you are dependable.
By incorporating these strategies into our daily lives, we can build trust and strengthen our relationships. But building trust is not just about what we do; it is also about who we are. It is about being authentic, honest, and transparent in our relationships. It is about being willing to take risks and be vulnerable with our partner.
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THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY
Imagine standing before your partner, your heart pounding in your chest, as you reveal your deepest fears, desires, and dreams. You feel exposed, vulnerable, and yet, utterly free.
This is the power of vulnerability – a transformative force that can unlock the deepest connections in our relationships. By embracing vulnerability, we can build trust, foster intimacy, and create a sense of safety and understanding that is unparalleled.
As Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, so eloquently puts it, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, and authenticity.” But what does it mean to be vulnerable in a relationship? It means being willing to take risks, to share our true selves, and to be open to the possibility of hurt or rejection. It means being brave enough to say, “I’m scared,” “I’m hurt,” or “I need you.”
When we are vulnerable, we create a space for our partners to meet us halfway. We create a space for intimacy, for connection, and for love to flourish.
I remember a conversation I had with a friend who had been struggling in her marriage. She felt disconnected from her husband and did not know how to bridge the gap. I encouraged her to try being more vulnerable – to share her fears, desires, and dreams with her husband. At first, it was terrifying for her. She felt exposed and vulnerable and was not sure if her husband would meet her halfway. But as she began to open up, she found that her husband was more receptive than she had anticipated. He listened to her, validated her feelings, and offered her support and encouragement. As they continued to practice vulnerability, their connection deepened. They began to feel more intimate, more connected, and more in love.
This is the power of vulnerability – a power that can transform our relationships and our lives. By embracing vulnerability, we can create a deeper sense of connection, intimacy, and love. We can build trust, foster empathy, and create a sense of safety and understanding that is unparalleled. So, I encourage you to take the leap. Be vulnerable. Share your true self with your partner. Create a space for intimacy, connection, and love to flourish.
Remember, vulnerability is not weakness – it is courage. It is the courage to be ourselves, to take risks, and to open ourselves up to the possibility of hurt or rejection. As Brené Brown so also puts it, “Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.”
FINALLY
As we explore the Pillar of Love, we are reminded of the ultimate act of sacrifice: Jesus’ death on the cross. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” This verse captures the essence of love, highlighting its selfless and sacrificial nature.
In Ephesians 5:25, the Apostle Paul instructs husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This verse demonstrates that love requires sacrifice, just as Jesus sacrificed himself for us. As we strive to build relationships based on love, we are called to emulate Jesus’ example. We are called to sacrifice our desires and dreams for the benefit of others. We are called to trust in God and trust each other, just as Jesus trusted in his Father.
As the Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” When we sacrifice for someone we love, and when we trust in them, we are not just building a relationship; we are creating a new, shared identity – a single soul that inhabits two bodies.
In conclusion, love is a choice that requires sacrifice and trust. By prioritizing our partner’s needs, practising trust-building behaviours, and cultivating emotional intelligence, we can build strong, healthy relationships that bring joy and fulfilment to our lives. As we navigate the complexities of love and relationships, let us remember that sacrifice and trust are the pillars that hold us together. Let us strive to build relationships that are based on mutual respect, trust, and sacrifice. For it is in these trust-building and sacrificial practises that we find true love, true happiness, and a sense of purpose and meaning.
